Through The Floor
by Twilight Angel
Summary: Ummm... Mission problems... troubled thoughts... and a letter. My friend the cold-hearted, "I don't cry" viscious little beoch herself said she actually cried in this one so...


Title

**Title: **Through the Floor**  
Author: **Twilight Angel  
**Authors Notes**: Twas the second night of vacation and all through the house  
but one creature was and it wasn't a mouse. That creature is. ME!!!!!! Ok 5  
to midnight and I'm reading a bunch of fics from Steel Song's site (my  
official FAVE site of all time) And I can't stand quiet so I'm listening to  
my Edwin McCain CD. Just as I finish the fic I was reading this song starts.  
It is in the lyric book but not on the case. It's odd really the 12 track  
has Holy City then it has a minute of silence and this song that has no  
track, no name (on the case) and is one of the best songs. I'm changing one  
thing Edwin says "she" we're making it "he" J Anyway.  
**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters no matter how much I want to.  
And I don't own the song. As previously noted Edwin McCain wrote it/sung it/  
whatever he and his peeps did to it.  
**Warnings:** SAP! Depression, shonen ai, You can guess the POV. If not you  
shouldn't be calling yourself a GW fan.  
*** La La La*** = Song Lyrics  
~~~ Blah ~~~ = Dreams  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_***Bathed in sunlight, woke from dreams  
Of murderous intention  
Pursued by dogs and men and things  
I'm just too scared to mention  
And the first thing that I think of  
Are his sympathetic eyes  
That see with only positive emotion ***_

~~~Running. Running as fast as my legs will take me, and I realize that is  
agonizingly slow. A fire roars behind me, I can feel its heat on my back. I  
don't dare look. I'm afraid, so very afraid. It feels as if the fires of  
hell are licking at my heels but it's not. I'm not so lucky. These are the  
fires of my making. The same fires that killed that girl, that dog, that  
almost killed him. I can't run anymore. It hurts to breathe. My sides ache,  
maybe I should give up. Just stop running. Then I see it, a dark figure  
standing on the horizon of this bleak world, giving light to the darkness.  
It's him; I have to keep running, to reach him. The flames are higher now,  
hotter. I can feel them clawing at my back. Then suddenly, in a flash the  
flames are no longer behind me. They engulf the landscape with such speed,  
such power. Everything is burning. And through the flames I can see only one  
thing, the agonized violet eyes of the one I ran too, bringing these fires  
to him. Destroying him. NO! He didn't die! I didn't kill him! I didn't do it  
again. The little girl was sacrificed but not him! I fall to my knees, hot  
tears streaming down my face. Damn the mission! Damn you J! A bright flash.  
What is this light? This warmth? It's not the heat of the fires of my past  
its. soft.~~~ I open my eyes only to be assaulted by the harsh light seeping  
through the thin curtains of our battered motel room. I glance at the clock,  
damn, it's almost noon. I roll onto my back, staring at the ceiling. I can't  
help but think about him. I look to the other bed; he looks so peaceful and  
angelic when he sleeps. One would never think he could be such a terror when  
he's awake. I run a hand through my hair, wincing as pain shoots through my  
arm. oh yeah. I got hurt too. He almost got killed last night. no, this  
morning and he was the one who took care of me. He wasn't a terror then. He  
was so worried about me. His eyes were more beautiful than ever when he  
looked at me like that, with such caring and concern it hurt. I love him, I  
know it now more than ever. and I'll be damned if I let him get hurt like  
she did. "Are you lost?" I shake my head slightly, forgetting the cut across  
my forehead. I look back up at the ceiling, looking up to whatever heaven  
there might be. "I'm still lost," I whisper. Across the room Duo groans  
turning away from the sunlight now invading his dreams.  
"Five more minutes Sister, I promise, just five more," he moans turning  
again, and falling off the small bed. "Mmmmm. Itai." he moans, rubbing the  
back of his head which connected with the night stand on the way down.

_***And he talks of being grumpy  
But I know that grumpy's not his style  
And I soak up all his beauty  
Cause I'm only here awhile***_

"Morning Heero" He mumbles climbing to his feet, twisting away from the  
blanket. I start to sit up but quickly fall back down. Everything is  
spinning. Before I know it he's leaning over me. His beautiful face  
contorted in the spinning of the world. "You ok Heero?" I start to nod,  
making his face warp even more as everything blurs then fades then becomes  
clearly focused just long enough for me to get my bearings before the world  
mutilates out of proportion again. I moan at the dizzying affects of the  
wronged world. After what seems like forever things focus permanently.  
"This is going to be a long day." I slowly realize that I thought that out  
loud. oops. Can't take it back now.  
"Don't be all grumpy cause then you'll put me in a bad mood. Just rest and  
don't complain." I look up at him. He's so beautiful. His hair is twisted as  
it falls in the pitiful remnants of a braid over one shoulder, curtaining  
the sunlight from our eyes. His ever-present goofy grin bigger than ever in  
an attempt to get me to smile. No, don't smile. You're the perfect soldier.  
The perfect soldier doesn't smile. I fight the urge, my rock solid mask  
falling into place.  
"Hn." My usual answer to all questions, comments, and any other attempts on  
my attention. I see the hurt flash in the wondrous indigo depths of his  
eyes. He's still leaning over me though, grin firmly in place, not realizing  
his eyes give him away. "Get off me Baka!" I growl as the familiar beeping  
of my computer reaches my ears. I push him away, sitting up quickly,  
controlling my body's reaction. He wasn't prepared for that. I wince as I  
hear the thud of him hitting the floor. I sigh inwardly. He makes me feel  
so. strange. My hand tingles from the contact with his skin when I pushed  
him. What a wretched way to feel something so good.

_***I muddle through my docket,  
And nestle in the pocket  
I just sit back  
And think about the world***_

I open the laptop, pulling the flashing e-mail up. It's J. He wants a  
mission report. I must not have done it last night. must've been really out  
of it. I start typing a reply, keenly aware of Duo's eyes on my back. My  
fingers fly over the keyboard, it's a good thing he never REALLY watches me  
type. I'd never live it down. I can't type right. Never could stand it. The  
"hunt and peck" method suits me quite well. I can type faster than most  
people so what does it matter if the perfect soldier doesn't do ONE thing  
perfectly? Oops. that's why. Hit both keys, gotta backspace. Shit I said  
backspace not slash! This is what happens when you think and do mission  
reports at the same time, Yuy! There, good enough. If he wants more details  
he can send me a mini camcorder to take with me on the next one.

_***And the only thing I see  
When he's looking back at me  
Is the promise of  
How life could be***_

I turn to look at Duo. Has he been watching me that whole time, no he must  
have gone back to sleep or something. My eyes meet his. Nope he was watching  
me. He looks so sad for a moment then in a flash the happy-go-lucky jester  
is there; ready to cheer up the world.  
"So what's up Heero?" He smiles brightly, his eyes twinkling happily. No  
wait, his eyes twinkling with. tears? How could I not notice that before?  
"Baka." I'm such a baka! His eyes look hurt. Oh gods! I said that out loud!  
He must think I called him a baka! No! No Duo, you're an angel not a baka!  
I'm the baka. UGH! Why can't I slip up and it be good for once. It's better  
this way anyhow. I've gotta go soon. Can't have him getting hurt. Can't let  
him die like she did. I won't kill him too. Now I feel as if I'm going to  
cry. Can't do that. Definitely can't do that. I turn away. Look at the  
computer Heero. Don't look at him; you'll want to stay. You can't stay.  
Gods, of course I want to stay! Who wouldn't want to stay in the presence of  
this angel?

_***And as I wrote my chest got tight for him  
I know that I'm not right for him  
And I couldn't live if I ever caused him pain.  
But at least I have a message that I can leave  
That tells him of the spin inside  
My gears turning  
I'm still learning to trust myself  
But at least I've told him  
Of this difficult good-bye***_

I open a blank page, I start typing. Nothing in particular. I hear him get  
up and pad to the bathroom. A pause, I can feel his eyes on me again. I  
wince as he slams the door shut. I wouldn't be surprised if he broke the  
doorframe. The water starts, he's going to take a shower. maybe I should  
join him. NO, no no no no! What am I thinking! You can't tell him you love  
him then leave. Tell him in a letter. For once let down your barrier and  
spill. that's it. A letter.

Dear Duo,  
I know by now it's obvious I left. And I had to leave this so you would know  
why. I've tried to deny it for a long time. Someone like me isn't supposed  
to have feelings right? I can't help this though. It's so wonderfully  
confusing. I know I'm babbling, that's something I'm sure you thought you'd  
never hear. or read, whatever. Duo, I don't know when but somewhere along  
the way you broke down the wall I so viciously fought to protect. You  
melted the ice implanted in my heart and soul and made me fall in love with  
you. That is why I had to leave. Last night made me realize how much I love  
you. And it made me realize that I couldn't bear for you to die by my hand  
because the perfect soldier isn't perfect. The perfect soldier makes  
mistakes. Hell I can't even type right! Never noticed that did you? The last  
time an innocent died because of my mistake I cried and so they trained the  
humanity out of me. They beat me till I bled and if I cried they beat me  
more. I had to learn to feel nothing. And so the death of innocence by my  
hand was crucial to my training. all because a girl and her dog cared enough  
to notice me. But they couldn't destroy that last thread of humanity I had  
and you took that thread and wove it through my heart shattering the ice  
forever. And now I know I couldn't live without you. I couldn't live with  
myself if you died because of me. That little girl still haunts me and all  
she did was give me a flower. If I destroyed you. I would . I don't know. I  
wouldn't trust myself to do anything because it would probably involve my  
own demise. Every mission would be for suicide and every battle a hope for  
death. I don't know how to act with you anymore. Every time I look at you  
it's a battle between ignoring you, calling you baka and taking you in my  
arms, kissing your breath away. I regret every time I hurt you, both  
emotionally and physically. I will regret those times always. I think the  
reason I never confessed my love for you was the fact that I knew you could  
never return it. How could you? No one could possibly love someone as cold  
as me. I don't deserve anyone to love me. I could never expect you to. Hell,  
you're the most girl-obsessed person I've ever known. I just wanted to tell  
you I love you and goodbye, my angel.  
Yours Always,  
Heero, The Imperfect Soldier

As I read what I wrote tears well up in my eyes. I did it; he'll finally  
know how I feel. I finally know how I feel. My eyes burn with unshed tears.  
My heart aches, I miss him already. I better hurry; have to be gone when he  
gets out of the shower.

_***Seven minutes before I'm leaving  
And now my chest is heaving  
I just can't go like I did before  
And tomorrow I'll be miles away and dreaming  
That he hears my voice floating through the floor***_

I quickly hit the "print" button on the laptop before jumping up, grabbing  
my duffle bag. I quickly throw everything I can think of in the bag. Damn!  
Some of my stuff is in the bathroom. Oh well, too late now. I pull the paper  
from the small printer. I quickly disconnect the printer and power down the  
computer. Packing them safely away in the carrying case. I take a deep  
breath. This is it Heero, you have to go. I take another breath. It burns in  
my lungs. My heart is pounding though I don't know why. I look toward the  
bathroom door. Goodbye Duo, I love you. I back out of the room, swiftly  
closing the door behind me. As I walk down the hall I feel something on my  
cheek and as I brush it away I realize. I'm crying.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
OK! It's now 10 to 3:00! Not bad, 3 hours. I should do this more often, I  
might actually finish some of these things. In case you didn't pick up on  
this, they had a mission, Heero fucked up, Duo almost got killed and Heero  
got hurt. Well?? How was it? Tell me what you think!  
HellsGate301@hotmail.com Please! I might try to find a song to do a sequel  
but as of right now nothing comes to mind. But like I said it's 3:00 AM yes  
AM! Oyasumi-nasai! (kinda)


End file.
